The Power of One

So I haven't written a philosphical blog in a while. I think I will today, since I was thinking about the power of acceptance, and how children seem to have it down to a science. If you tell them that something is normal, it is. If you say something is wrong, they will believe that too. Those lessons stay with them for life, which makes us all incredibly powerful in their lives. And incredibly responsible for shaping them.

All of our lives, we are told that it is bad to be different. It's everywhere: in magazines, books, the internet (see yahoo personals tagline regarding whether or not someone's profile is 'cute') and in the media. Girls are expected to have long hair, and if not, a pixie-cut is acceptable if you weigh less than 125 lbs. They aren't expected to have well-developed arms, buzz-cuts or tattoos, watch UFC, be able to bench-press 200 lbs, or burp loudly. Girls just don't DO that...right?

Wrong. And if we say they do, they do...

I have been watching my four-year old for the past 8 months or so. I have introduced her to girls that did not fir the 'norm'. She has met girls that do not fit that traditional role; girls that were girly but burped like champs, girls that were tomboyish/butch that painted their toenails, and girls that looked like teenaged boys but had girlfriends. She has never once confused their pronouns. They are all 'she', all girls, and completely accepted for who they were. Never once does my daughter look at the people around her and think they aren't anything but 'normal'. We go places, we do things, and we do it without a trace of self-conciousness. She watches Shannon burp like a sailor, Nik (see "Crash") giggle and wave her hands like a girly-girl (for lack of a better term) and me walk around in camouflaged pants. Men's camo pants...the day after I wore dress pants and a camisole...

So I will move to my next example: Alex. I honestly don't know if that's the way she was raised or just her personality. She is old enough to be aware of the impact of looks, prejudices, and 'differences' upon the general public. And she doesn't care. I am floored when she introduces her Aunt Nik ("Nik the Chick") to her friends at school. Nik has very short hair, shoulders like a football player, and looks like Matt Damon circa 2003. Alex states firmly that she is a girl and is the coolest person in the world. Her friends hear all about the funny stories and how much she means to Alex. Alex accepts that Nik is a girl who likes other girls, and she doesn't bat an eye.
And then there's me. Somehow, I ended up in the cool category. I am a nerd by nature, and have finally accepted it. Alex's friend quantified it best when she said I liked to party but bring your dictionary so we can talk. What she didn't realize was that for a large portion of my life, I was UNCOOL. I was the bottom rung on the teenaged social ladder. I stopped caring long ago whether I was considered popular or not--I have no fashion sense--don't care--and wear glasses. But to Alex, I am cool--if nerdy...LOL

When we (as a group) get stared at in public (happens often), Alex has watched us for qeues as to what she should do. Our answer? Ignore the stares, or walk proud and have fun with it. We have a lot of fun in public, from Wal-Mart, bars, police stations or rest stops. It doesn't matter what other people think. It matters that you are with people that care about you, have your back no matter what, and love you no matter how other people might see you. And if they want to stare? Skip, have a ridiculous mock-argument about chair pads with buttons, indicate that the nerd is the one in charge, sneeze exotically, or sing loudly....unless you're Shannon--then you just stare back or ask them point-blank what the fuck they're looking at... (Gotta love it)
I just hope that these two kids can hang onto that sense of acceptance. It will be challenged--in my daughter's case, all the more because of her father's beliefs--it may land them in trouble, but overall, it's a beautiful, precious gift....